I share the article in the press published on Sunday 5 September.
L´any passat, in the midst of confinement as a marriage lawyer I advised in an interview on a TV channel: “He spoke, mediate between you…”.
I was addressing all those who, divorced or not, they have a regime of visits with their children or a shared guard and did not know how to deal with them, combine these visits and alternate guarding (custody outside the civil law of Catalonia) with the risk of Covid19 for the health of children and adults.
I thought that after the 2020 confinement months, with courts inoperative for most and non-urgent matters, and what we bring from 2021 we would all have learned constructive lessons. And that before the waves several, shoots, regrowth and anguish this“let's talk” it would have been a good antidote or at least a good after sun to file disagreements.
Well no. Not learned… or not at all. Neither in the late summer of 20 nor this 2021.
During this August a very anxious friendship contacted me. He informed me of a situation almost modeled on another in the summer of 2020. That her ex had told her that of the 15 days of vacation that the 17-year-old daughter would be on vacation, would go to the Cantabrian, in a specific area with the highest incidence of this fifth wave.
A déjà vu ...
The caller specified to me that the ex was vaccinated and that during those days they would make their way.
I told him what I always say:
“Pharass each other because you are not listening. You feel it but you don’t listen to yourself.
You don't need a lawyer, let alone go to court. Parleu, please".
I advised this friendship not to refuse to let the minor, almost at the gates of adulthood, to go on holiday no matter how objectively it is in the selected destination of very high incidence. A call for responsibility and prudence.
As a family lawyer for more than 23 years of practice, always, I reiterate that it is not possible to go to court to urgently resolve any disagreement. Logic must be applied. Let's present it in a cordial way. We detail our arguments and accompany them with facts that support our fears, discrepancies as in the actual case exposed. Let’s be empathetic, assertive and we look for the quietest moment to avoid the judicial storm. And if it's a conversation outside of whatsapp, hyper-abbreviated chats, audios. . . better.
Parlin, don’t write so much. Use your mobile phone to talk, not just to write!.
We face in the coming months of autumn 2021 the unknown of what will happen with the pandemic, if the numbers go up again, vaccinated or not, or new waves, variants and whether there will be cuts, new curfews . . . And the same questions will arise again.
“Don't let your child out at night, I do leave it… ” .
And threats will cross the networks “I don't let you go with the kids… you are very permissive”.
Or worse, we will go to court if we do not agree with whether or not to give the vaccine to our child.?. Not please. Again in front of the same stones on the way. We don't learn…
It must be remembered that a year ago, on July 31, 2020, in Catalonia, definitive support was given to the mandatory prior mediation session. Law 9/2020, of July 31st.
It must be demonstrated before the judge that before reaching the court to resolve issues such as the one explained, the parties have tried to speak, approximate positions.
I repeat, parlin, with a capital P.. If then the parties do not want to mediate for the reason they consider good, or if in the end the understanding is broken, the matter will be followed before the judge.
It’s sad to have to force it, but the mediated management of a conflict is welcome. And set aside the expression chulesca “see you in court”, “I will report you, I will demand ... ".
And if it is not possible to have a quiet dialogue between you, talk to your lawyer, and he / she will channel his / her requests in accordance with the legal framework, within the reach of the homeland power, in the custody regime they have…
Abel Molina Iniesta, it ismarriage lawyerMember of the Terrassa Bar Association.
Mediator accordingcredited by the Ministry of Justice, the Miguel de Cervantes European University and the International School of Mediation (EIM).
Member No.. 482 of theSCAF, Catalan Society of Family Lawyers.
Member No.. 102 ofAIJUDEFA, Assoc. Family Law Jurists International:
And expert lawyer in family and human rights for the Council of europe, Program HELP.